lost fer werds

filled wif rage. frustrations. resentment. disappointment... confusion? (oh Allah help me~)
 
argh. im lost for words. brain's not functionin.
choices. how hard can they be. family before anything else.
but... sumhow i forgot all that jus now. Family's gone out without me.
Dad's upset. Mom worried. Siblings confused.
 
"I aint forcing u to follow us out... but just remember, how can u not spare 2 hrs with your family? When u can easily do that for ur friends..."
 
"But Dad, i've got work to do...Okay2, ill follow u all out, but i need to get back home early..."
 
"Forget it. Stay home. Finish your work. I don't want to force u. Ive never forced you..."
 
Out they went. Without me...
 
inefficiency of emotions. didn't feel a shit when all that happened. just stoned. but deep inside, i knew i felt sumthing. Cmon hilmi, be strong~
 
40 pushups, 20 situps... didnt work. broke down while halfway typing this post...
(alter ego says: ure exposing ur weakness to all ur friends... Ure a man! what would they think of u crying?)
 
ahh fuck all that. dun friggin mind if everyone knew how weak i am inside... `bout time i let it all out of my system... ive justified the need to let it out...
 
i guess i treasure my family so much...
(time for prayers... i shall confide my sorrows with Allah~)