journey to self-discovery...

how unusual it is for me to finally realise that ns has led me to a journey of self-discovery...

admittingly, im an egoistic male. fortunately, ive been able to put a leash on this egoistical side of me. that was after spending alot of time reflecting on my actions in the past (actualy its called stoning).

honestly, i wouldnt have pulled off that miraculous A level results without being in a triple science class. Ego kicked in a lil when i was forced to drop a subject. and i was definitely out to prove that i aint no back-of-the-class mat.

What you girls can do, i can do too. (erh i mean the sucky studyin part)

Out of the class, my main motivation to keep on running that blasted 2.4km was obviously ego-fuelled. In the army, it just got worse. I couldnt possibly live with the thought of running behind a particular person (who obviously i perceived as "physically inferior"). So off i went improving my timings by a whopping 2 mins. Constantly pushing myself, i managed to realise the limits of my own body.

So you could say this egoistic side is somewhat advantageous for me. Well it was what i thought until todae...

lets just say she suddenly mentioned that she has a boyfriend. Weirdly i couldnt continue with the work i was doing in camp.

Is he better than me? What was i possibly missing?

Questions as such kept my brain pre-occupied. Until i got back to my senses after Zuhr prayers. I realised the futility of such silly thoughts. Ive known this girl for 3 years and counting; possibly the only girl friend i trust for now.

And somehow she didnt hide the new boyfriend from me.

and im glad you didnt~

and on many other occasions, ive been too downright proud. often thinking im better than this or that person. tsk. which made me realise that i gotta work hard to keep myself in check.

So do forgive me if i have yet to work out this particular flaw of mine... cos im still on a journey to self-discovery~